eveyxoxo

There are times when I really don't want to be here anymore.
And I'm not talking about being here in this state, in this area.
I'm talking about being, in general.

The pain of today may have you under it's heel, but it's the joy of yesterday that reminds you why love's worth the battle and the anticipation of tomorrow that keeps you strong enough to fight.

the smell of his skin lingered around her as she pulled herself away from his arms. she smiled brightly. as their eyes met, he broke out into an adorable grin as he enveloped her into his arms once again. i'm bright red, i know it, she thought. he let her go and looked down at her from his probably-more-than-six-foot-tall-frame. he is so cute, she thought.

<3

It would have been the perfect timing, linked arms and a stroll through central park. I wish I could have asked you what it is that made you spare the breaking of my heart. What it was that made my heart worthier of saving than all of the others you've bulldozed in your path.

But we both know that's not the case, that I am just another name on a long and growing list. That I am not special enough to be separated from the rest of them.

It's a gut-clenching realization.

And maybe you were right when you told me that you've never broken a heart that didn't deserve it.

It's just a hard fact to face when roles become reversed and I'm taking a sip of my own unintentional medicine.

someday you will get the best of me.

"As I wait to find tomorrow and be content without perfection" -bright eyes

I like the way the world sounds at night under the streetlights of a quiet parking lot. It almost makes being alive worth something. almost.

And sometimes I'm not sure of what to feel so I pretend that I feel nothing. And even though inside I know that it's all just a big lie it still works.

I fell in love with a boy. I smiled a smile that was not forced. I felt okay inside. I felt like for the first time I wasn't walking around as a giant, gaping, bottomless, empty hole. I felt like there was a purpose for me to be on this magnetized planet and that I was finding it inside of you.

And it's beautiful, even moreso that I understand it could be only temporary.

i want you to love me the way you did before you knew me..

when every car means his and you think about these tiny moments you saw yourself looking at him and keep them to yourself.

when you can look in the mirror and want to be better in everyway. when you plan things out, brush your hair and put on mascara. when you think about the next time you will see him and wonder.

and when you feel okay not seeing him. and when you go out with your friends you care less what they think because you finally have hope in something else.

and you go to arcades and put your money in slots hoping this time you'll win in something. no this time. no this time. but it doesn't even matter when you don't, because you laughed. hard. and that erases time and money. it pushes things backwards and slowly so you don't feel sick when your head is upside down over the arm of the sofa. you feel okay.

and its fun to watch television this way. its fun to stop thinking about everything and watch everyone and their little heads circling the television.

you're afraid, but of course thats okay too.

i don't care what you or anyone else believes
guess what else last night was
think real hard, babe
cause faith has been broken
and tears must be cried
look at me
and now look back at what you have
where do you see yourself in nine months time?

the damage has been done,
but unfortunately it didn't work.